Balance: Is Your Partner Burnt-Out?

Have you noticed that your partner isn’t their usual energetic, upbeat self? Are they more tired than usual, even when they sleep excessively? Does your partner appear listless, unmotivated and ‘switched off’, or are you fighting more often than normal?

If the above sounds like it applies to your partner, they may be suffering from burn-out. As the person closest to them, you have an important role to play in their recovery.

How to Tell if Your Partner is Suffering from Burn-Out

1. They appear constantly exhausted, both physically and mentally. They might struggle to get out of bed in the mornings, and may have a decreased ability to make decisions and to problem-solve.
2. They may seem generally apathetic and un-motivated. They might no longer have enthusiasm for anything or anyone, which can also lead to a general sense of being unfulfilled. They may start to withdraw from social events or make excuses to avoid having to interact.
3. You may notice increased conflict, both between your partner and you, and with others close to them. This arises due to pent up frustration and a sense of cynicism, and can often lead to angry outbursts uncharacteristic of your partner. Alternatively, your partner may also withdraw and ‘shut-down’, and avoid conflict altogether.
4. Your partner may simply not appear their usual self, and the person who may once have been a multi-tasking go-getter may no longer be able to juggle the same tasks. Due to an inability to concentrate, your partner may tend to forget things and performance at work may start to be effected.
5. They may no longer invest time in taking care of themselves, which includes poor nutrition (eating on the go and choosing high-sugar, high-carb options) and not getting enough sleep. They may try to keep themselves running on caffeine and other stimulants, but this only hinders them further.

What to Do if Your Partner is Burnt-Out

1. Talk to them Directly

The first response to being told by someone that they aren’t acting themselves is usually denial, but hey, if you can’t talk openly to your partner then who can!? Refer them to the examples mentioned above and ask them if they feel they can relate to any of the described signs. If they seem fairly receptive or need more information, recommend trying an online test or talking to a professional. If that’s too extreme, try getting them to talk to someone else who has been through the same thing. Avoid telling them what you think they should do – give it time. Mentioning the signs and talking to them from a place of concern (‘hey, I love you and I feel like you haven’t been acting like yourself lately’) is better than trying to diagnose and fix them, all in one go.

2. Identify the Causes

Oftentimes, it’s much easier for us to see what may be causing someone to spiral than it is for them to objectively identify (they may not be able to ‘see the woods for the trees’). Encourage your partner to list the things in their life that may be contributing to their stress, even if that list includes a lack of something (sleep or vacation time, for instance).

3. Action Plan

Once the causes have been identified, take some time to make an action plan. Start small, and encourage your partner to change one or two things to begin with. Your role is crucial, as you may be able to assist in improving their diet, helping them go to bed earlier by adjusting your bedtime and encouraging them to take more time to themselves. If they want to talk to a professional, then be supportive of that. The important thing is that they talk to someone.

4. Support & Encourage

This is a time to be your partner’s place of refuge. Do what you can to eliminate unnecessary stresses in their life, and make sure you listen when they talk – once they open up, what they may really need is someone to hear what they’re feeling, rather than give advice that’s unwarranted. Ultimately, you know your partner the best, and you will know what they need.

5. Take Care of Yourself

The above having been said (i.e. support and care for your partner), it is crucial to ensure that your nurturing of your partner is not at the expense of your own health and well-being. This is a chance for you to also make some much-needed changes, so take advantage of that. Start doing stress-relieving activities together, whether that means regular exercise, meditation or just quietly reading, this is an opportunity for you to breathe new life into your relationship.